Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Where to Start a Post

When I had my knee replacement, an online journal was kept chronicling the journey from start to recovery.

With every post there was a clinical post about the status and the progress. The emotions was also posted.

I'm beginning another journal of a journey I will be taking. I don't know how long this journey will last. Right now we are in the discovery phase. My mammo showed a suspicious area. I was called in for a biopsy. Just the biopsy caused great anxiety; I've done a post on that. Yesterday the results were delivered. The biopsy show malignant cells.

The daughter was with me when we met with the doctor. The husband was in Oklahoma on a job. The daughter and I sat in that office, already warned by the receptionist when she presented us with appointments for a CT that would have to be done the next day, which is today. We were escorted into an office, handed a box of tissues each and silently we let the tears flow. The shock to both was evident. Few words were spoken.

Soon the doctor appeared with his news and the tests that would have to be done, an appointment scheduled with an oncologists and we were on our way.

April and the childen visited tonight. The husband started his long drive home. He didn't want me to be alone. I was grateful to hear him unlock the door at midnight.

This first day of the official news felt like the very last day of my life. I couldn't imagine doing anything else but this cancer and how does one do cancer?  As the days past, we will make some adjustments and learn to live with this as long as possible. After the tests today, we will know more of what we are dealing with and in a few days, I expect we will pick up interests and daily life, a little changed but hopefully with some routine previously known.

Right now it's just the unknown, the fear and the changes that are imminent. Nobody likes change.

I'm going to get dressed and ready for the CT scan this morning. To be continued...

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