Thursday, April 30, 2009
You see..the problem is: I didn't go to a rehab facility. I wanted to rehab it myself. I was so worried that I was behind in where that knee should be at 9 weeks post op. I could imagine him telling me I was behind and that I should have went to a rehab facility. I was so relieved when he was happy with the progress of my knee and that I should slack off a bit. He said "you know you can overdo this rehab stuff".
I plan on walking every morning and evening. He promises that lots of walking will improve the extension and that I was a mere fraction of being where I should be on the extension. He also said "time". Give it some time to heal. I won't see him for another month. I have a month of walking the neighborhood.
Right now I'm being taken out to lunch. Ciao!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I would have liked to see M. Douglas stand up from his chair there on the dais. I did notice also that his flexion was about 90 degrees. I'm sure standing is a challenge for him also.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with my ortho doctor. I'm ready to see what he thinks about where I am in this rehab process.
I know that I have made some progress. Right now I'm due to sit on the floor with my weights. I took a Vicodin about 20 minutes ago. It's time to stretch and burn once again.
P.S. to my froggy sister that has a difficult time reading my blogs, I'm posting them in a bigger font instead of a different color for her old blind eyes.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
The brilliant idea I had last night was to lay on the king size bed on my back with my head toward the foot of the bed. I then scooted up and placed my feet on the wall above the bed. I don't have a headboard on this bed so I could use the wall to do slides. I let my legs slide down the wall a little at a time. I would stay for few minutes and then slide my feet down a little more. The burn and the pain told me I was stretching the muscles. At the end of this exercise, I couldn't move my legs to the side to get out of this position. It hurt! This is to get my leg to flex or 'bend'. This morning as usual I felt muscle pain when I got out of bed but I assumed it was just the normal soreness I felt each morning. The problem is, it never got better as the day progressed. We went to a few stores this morning to look for flowers for the mailbox garden. I could barely walk. I took a Percoset which did little to relieve the pain when I tried walking. I finally realized toward the late afternoon the why of the pain I was having.
I know that this is his 3rd planned trip to the USA and the prior two trips had to be cancelled. What luck huh? I think he must be the unluckiest traveler ever! I have friends that have been to Europe many times and not once have they had to cancel their trips. I too made a trip to Europe and didn't have to cancel and reschedule. I can't imagine his disappointment each time he had to cancel his trips. Maybe this time will be the lucky trip in that it comes to fruition.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I'm now 8 weeks a non smoker. Some days at certain times I really really miss them. During those times I get very frightened. It wouldn't take much effort to pick up a smoke. When I'm around people that are smoking and they are in numbers larger then one, I feel left out. Everyone is having the best time. I watch silently as they tap that cigarette out of the pack. I watch them bring it to their mouths, find their light source and flick the wheel to produce the flame. They touch the flame to the end of that cigarette and take that first inhale and slowly slowly exhale. They don' t look unhappy. The ritual has been completed until they light the next one. I miss that ritual. Not often. I miss it a few times a day. I don't crave a cigarette while watching others smoke. I observe the ritual and miss that when watching them light up. The craving comes at odd times and watching others smoke is not the trigger for that craving.
I don't want you to think this is painful. The craving is not painful. It comes and goes swiftly. I find that I think less about cigarettes since quitting. When I smoked I would obsess about when I could have the next one. If I went somewhere, I was always scoping out the scene to find where the smokers could go to have a smoke. I would quickly leave a restaurant after eating to grab a smoke. I didn't linger in non smoking areas and since most of the public places are non smoking I felt alienated.
I do find that I'm happy that I'm no longer lighting up. I can go any place I desire without having to worry about THE DESIRE and accommodating that desire. I actually hang out in places that are smoke free. It's a freedom. Free from that monkey on my back and that's the way I felt about my addiction. I wish I could be like some that can light one and not want another. If I light one, I'll be back to 3packs a day in the next 3 days so I don't do it. I know. I've been down that road the last time I tried quitting.
I won't ostracize you for smoking. It's your decision to smoke and it will be all your decision to quit. I'll make you as comfortable as possible with ashtrays, drinks and a nice outdoor area here to smoke. I won't make you feel as though you have to hide your habit or explain your habit. I've been there too and I was quick to anger when someone commented on my habit. I won't do that to you. I don't have a license to be rude to you because you smoke. I felt that a large number of the non smoking masses thought it was perfectly acceptable to say what they wanted to the non smokers. I won' t be that person. Can I get you a light?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
This is my kind of day and if I had a wish it would be to have all the days of summer here in Southwest Louisiana be identical to this one. No humidity and no high temperatures. I hate to sweat. I hate being hot and if I had a choice I would rather the cold weather then the summer heat. I suppose the carribean with it's 70 degree summers is where I would be most happiest.
Oh yeah, like I'm going to get to live there year round. Maybe I should be buying some lottery tickets and keep my fingers crossed
I was pleasantly surprised this morning to find my leg had good extension and I could walk with very little limping. Initially it's painful to walk when I get out of bed. The muscles are screaming out and I'm feeling the same. After being up and about for a few minutes the pain gradually ceases. I don't know if this is normal; if this is to be expected over the term of this knee or if it's temporary and part of the healing of the muscles. I'm hoping eventually to get out of bed and have none of this tightness of the muscles.
I went shopping and spent quite a long time in the store. My leg didn't tire out for a long time. I eventually had to take a break and sit down when I got home but this is better then it has been. It's improvement and I'll take it.
I'm beginning to think that there is truth is someone else's observation that
the best rehab is walking and a lot of walking.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sitting in a garage for a week won't make you a car. Sitting in a Catholic church for a month won't make you a Catholic. Cars are assembled in Detroit and take weeks to complete. Becoming a Catholic is not an over night process. Most religions hook the children at a young age to indoctrinate them to all the fairy tales they believe in. I don't understand how an adult with no religious background could embrace any religion overnight. Do you make this decision based upon the man you are stalking? How does one change to accommodate some one else? Can these changes be permanent? I've watched friends try to remake themselves into someone that would appeal to the man they were interested in. The first step in this process is to observe his likes and dislikes then mold yourself into that person. Why should they feel they must do this? Some women would feign a huge appetite for sex. Some would go the kitchen route by deluging that male with good home cooked meals. Some would change multiple things about themselves to entice that elusive male catch. I was amazed to find this still being done in this date and time. We used to call this "selling out" when I was younger.
Making or accepting excuses time after time for broken promises and out right lies; something I find difficult to accommodate and will instigate a requirement on your part to prove yourself. Anger building after each disappointment. Anger knowing that your friends and family are observing the lies he tells and your excuses for him. Directing anger to others instead of to the person causing you pain; a phenomenon I have seen too often. To rebuild trust is required. How much of this behavior is required to negate all future trust?
Another thing I've pondered is issue avoidance. I have a friend that has a son that recently ended up on the wrong side of the law and had to go away for punishment. Although my friend isn't happy about this, when we talk, the subject usually comes up. She doesn't try to avoid it and neither do I. We discuss it for a while, questions are asked and answered and I never feel as though she avoids the subject. To avoid the subject would be like denying the elephant in the room. It would make our conversations very abnormal, stilted and uncomfortable so we address the issue at times and then move on. That's a normal conversation among friends. This is an important issue in her life and we don't studiously avoid it. That would make it a bigger issue then what it is already.
A strange post I admit. It is happening and it's just an observation. A report on that observation. Just an observation that everyone with dating experience must have observed also.
Viewing the world through rose tinted glasses has never been a fault of mine. I'm not denying my faults but this was never one of them. I'm working on all the other faults I have. On that note, I'm out of here to do some wonderful stretches and feel the burn!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
As I exercised, I watched Grey Gardens on HBO. Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange were awesome as Little Edie and Big Edie.
A storm is playing with the night. Right now the thunder is deafening; the crashes are so loud I can feel the house vibrating. Bright flashes of lightening are shocking the black night and the street is flowing with water. Yep, a big ole storm is assaulting us tonight.
I've had a long day. I'm going to bed early.
Friday, April 17, 2009
I am taking a break. I have been using 16.5 lbs of weight on my knee and I have major burn going on right now. I also have a straight leg and no limp when I go for a test drive on it. I just wish it would stay this way after I flex the leg. I'll be doing more of this all weekend and by Monday I will be able to determine if it is working.
I think it's time to get Carrie in bed. Her little eyes are just slits now. She yawns and starts to sway; she jerks herself awake and chatters to keep herself alert. I'm going to turn on the TV in the bedroom to some cartoons and let her relax herself to sleep. She hugs me as I carry her to the bedroom and whispers "I love you Nanny". I hold her tightly enjoying the feel of her arms around my neck, her breath on my cheek. Sweetness!
We watched TV for a little while. She yawns some more. When I touched the button to turn the TV off, I heard her whisper "Thank you Nanny. Thank you for turning the TV off." Another yawn and a hand squeeze and Carrie was asleep. I slipped out of bed and came back to the living room. I plan on doing more weights on my knee.
Hoping this finds everyone where they are expected to be tonight; or with some very good excuse for not being there. ;-)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
You schedule a 3 week visit and feel that even though that is all the time you can allot for this visit you wish it could be more. You use all your time off from work for this visit. You spend your own money for the plane ticket. You know you can't afford it but you go anyway. Use your charge card. Take presents. Atheist and now you adopt his religion. At 37 years old you become Catholic? Give up being a vegetarian. He enjoys meat. Learn to hike and add yoga to your routine because these are the things he likes to do. Change yourself and mold yourself into somebody he might like. Don't take any chances. Profess to love sports. He does.
You spend this time with your love on the upper floor of his parents home since that is where he lives. This man is how old? Ah, 40 you say?
He doesn't rent a place for you and he to have privacy after waiting a year to spend this time together? Wouldn't you think he would have wanted to spend this time in a bedroom that wasn't directly above his parents rooms? You make a trip with him. You pay for the rooms while on this trip? What? What does he contribute? His body and his time? What? He can't afford to spend any money on you? He has to contribute to his parents support? Ah, I see.
You didn't meet one of his friends while there? Ah, you say. They live in other towns. I see. So you have 3 weeks and train passes. He didn't at least want to show you off to his closest buddy?
I don't recognize the person you have become. You're going to build a life with this person? This life is based on honesty and trust you say? Trust? He makes appointments to meet your parents while they are abroad. He cancels all three appointments and never meets them. Trust?
Oh, this is the same man that promised to be at your graduation?
He missed his trip to the USA for Valentine's day?
He missed Easter trip?
I've planned a European trip; and actually got on the plane and got there.
Your own mother has scheduled many trips and hasn't had to cancel one of them
You yourself have scheduled many trips and made all of them.
I'm just astounded that the love of your life has an excuse for every trip planned; for every meeting planned; for every phone call forgotten and on and on and on.
At the end of your visit he doesn't go to the airport to see his love board her flight home knowing he won't be seeing her for at least 3 months. Her flight is cancelled. She spends another night and he doesn't race back to the airport to spend that last night with her?
As you are parting he promises to visit for Valentine's day? You trust him to be here. He promised. What? He doesn't come? He has a job interview? What? You had him mail you a copy of the letter requesting he be at this job interview? Trust?
Even romance novels of which you have lived in for the past 30 plus years would never end this way. Your romance novel love spends every second he can with you before having to split up for the trip home.
What is wrong with this picture?
You keep hidden his special blog site? Oh. The one with all the full frontal nudity with erections? You don't want your family and friends to know? Trust? Ah, I see. So this truth and honesty only extends to the boundaries you erect?
On the subject of games that couples play; does deceit and deception count? Ah, so it doesn't pertain to you? Keeping up appearances you say? Having friends and family not know everything? I see. Truth, trust and honesty in a relationship.
I'm exhausted. Two sets of rules. It will take some memory skills to keep the two sets of rules straight. Your rules and everyone elses rules.
A lot of work. I don't know if I'm up to it. I'll have to sleep on it. I'll get back to you.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Dinner served, eggs hidden and found and we are now awaiting the storm that is scheduled through here at any minute. Storm warnings are being forecast on the TV. The trees are bending, swaying and whipping in the wind right now. Large hail is forecast so we have the vehicles under the carport. We'll have our ears tuned to the TV for any signs of tornadoes coming through. Nobody here has basements so I don't know what precautions one would take for a tornado other then staying home. Basements are not done in this part of the country and most people here have never even seen or been in a basement. The water table is too high for basements.
I now need to sit on the floor with my 10lbs of potatoes and weigh that knee down. I didn't get it to a "lock" position but it did get so straight that there was absolutely no limp when I walked. Of course since then I have flexed it so I don't know how extended I can get it this morning without the weight of the potatoes. Between the potatoes as weight and the frozen peas as an ice pack, I may never look at veggies in the same way again.
Since I'm having family for dinner, I have to get my exercises done early or miss them altogether.
Stretch and burn time!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I have no idea why Carrie calls my sister "POOGIE". I've told her more then once that it's Aunt Muggie she is talking to on the phone but she insisted on calling her Poogie.
From time to time she sends things to Carrie. This package arrived this week and I videoed Carrie opening her package so I could post and "Poogie" could see her excitement.
So..here ya go "POOGIE".
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Today I am unable to do stretches with my foot on the pillow on the coffee table. I start and then get a horrific pain behind my knee. I was becoming anxious and worried about the cause of the pain. I was becoming frustrated about not being able to continue the stretches and I felt like I was losing ground. It took most of the day for me to figure out why I was hurting. Last night I added weights to the top part of my knee. I could feel the extra pull and the extra burn. I know that is why the muscles in the back of my knee are screaming at me today. I do feel better knowing the reason for the extra muscle tenderness. I'm still trying to do some stretches but am not able to do them for an length of time.
I still can't get full extension, something I'm trying not to obsess about too much right now. I must do some more stretches even with the pain increase or I will lose what I have gained in the past few days.
Carrie is back with us today and seems very excited to be back. She has been hanging all over her Poppy today and not letting him get to far away from her. She stumbled down the hallway after her nap, still sleepy eyed and usually she comes looking for me. She wants to be held for a while until she wakes up completely. Today she careened down the hall and started for the door to the patio. I called to her and asked where she was going. She replied "I'm finding my Poppy". I directed her to the living room where she found her Poppy on the sofa. Since then she has been laying with him and watching TV; she has been pulling his hair and planting kisses on his face.
I'm sittng here missing all that attention that was once mine post nap. What has happened? Poppy plays imaginery games and teases her and has long conversations with her and she loves him for it. He spends lots of quality time with her.
I am the one that bathes and dresses her ; the one that pulls the knots out of her hair and the one she runs to when she gets hurt or scared. I guess we all have our roles!