Carrie is an exceptionally observant child. At seven years old she watches and waits and gathers information and then she gently questions. Carrie is an old soul. Others have noticed this about her. Maybe it's because she has been around adults most of her life.
She called this afternoon and asked if I could come pick her up. "Nanny, can I come visit? Bugsy is here and I need to bring her home to you."
Of course I wasn't going to tell Carrie no. She seldom gets told no when she asks to visit. She lives less then a mile away and as soon as she disconnected the phone call, I was on my way.
On the way back to my house she asked "Nonny, have you ever had breast cancer?"
"I don't know, why do you ask?" I said as I slipped a look sideways to see her face.
"Because today all the teachers were wearing a little pink ribbon that said "Donna" on it. Nonny, that must be Ms. Donna in the office huh?"
I slipped another look at her to see if she was testing me. "Yes, that's probably who they meant."
A little more then a week ago, she asked to see where the doctor had put the band aid. She was talking about the biopsy site. I showed her. She was very tender and protective of me the remainder of that evening.
Days later I'm sure she must have noted her mother's swollen tear bloated face.
When we got to the house I presented her with her dance costumes that we picked up on Saturday. She was very excited to try them on.
"Nonny, are you going to be alive to see me in my revue?"
Stunned I asked her why she would ask.
"Well Nonny, how old are you?"
"Carrie, of course I'm going to watch you dance."
A few minutes later she approaches me again with a pamphlet she found on the coffee table.
"Nonny, why do you have this? It says breast cancer on it."
"Well, Carrie, the doctor gave it to me the other day when I was at his office."
She met my eyes, then dropped her gaze to the floor as I hurriedly changed the subject and took the pamphlet away from her and tossed it casually on the lamp stand.
Has she figured it out? Are all these questions a way of getting information that she may have already guessed?
Are the hugs longer, the kisses more frequent now from her?
My P.E.T. is scheduled in two days. The oncologist's to be seen two days after that test. Blood work was done early this morning. The husband wants the process to move along. The sooner we start, the sooner we can finish and get this behind us. "Just a bump in the road. We are going to be fine." he assures me.