Monday, March 25, 2013

Monitoring, Research and Preparation

I am the Princess of surfing. I'm constantly looking things up on the web. Should a "what" question pop up, I'm flipping open the laptop and heading into web land. I'm so conditioned, I have pitched out all my phone books. I can look that phone number up quicker by tapping a few keys.
Strange given my addiction to the web, I have just started searching for information on my upcoming surgery and then the treatments for the breast cancer. I suppose I was hiding from the information. I wasn't ready to know more then I already knew. A little over a month from diagnosis, I'm ready to gather a little information. I'm investigating "softly" and only doing a little at a time.
Yesterday I checked my blood pressure and it was ugly. I swallowed a Klonapin. The husband's advice is to "calm down" which is a waste of his breath. An order doesn't do it. It does nothing to calm me nor slow down the brain's full speed ahead thoughts that I can hardly maintain the same pace.
I've left the BP cuff on the coffee table in plain view.

This is just part of the process. Fear of the unknown produces anxiety. I have to accept that and submit to that Klonopin when needed.
I must be relaxed. My eyelids are drooping. Maybe it's nap time again?

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