Sometimes ya just gotta consider the source, develop a new plan or in this case, a new outlook and move on.
I've been a long distance observer in the lives of my siblings. 18hr drives will get me into the midst of "the family". I don't think I've made this drive for 5 years now. Brother Joe's S.O. was pregnant and that child is now 5 yrs old. I've always lived a distance from family and there have been times in sickness or holidays when it's been tough to be so far away.
My daughter didn't get to have a close relationship with her cousins but when I look back, her cousins that lived there didn't spend much time together and as their parents scattered further away from their origins of birth, they lost any sense of closeness. I suppose it's just the times. People are more mobile then when my parents grew up close to all their relatives.
My daughter has created her own family and is quite happy with them. She has her own circle of friends and she says "You don't miss what you never had."
Holding a grudge is just not in my nature. I usually let it go and move on. Just cut ties and fade away is my usual M.O. Sometimes ignoring someone causes them more anger. It's not done on purpose. I don't like confrontations nor drama. Too much negative energy expended.
I'm not above jerking your chain if you continue to poke at the tiger; me being the tiger. Just go about your business as though I don't exist and I'll do the same for you. I'll even take quite a few nasty pokes before I retaliate.
Brother Joe has has a rough couple of months, most of it his own doing. He will admit that. His decision making skills are wont. He can see clearly the problem but it's only after some disastrous choice he has made.
Joe has called. He called after he was released. He called after he heard about my diagnosis. He called to offer emotional support and whatever else he could do for me.
Just having him offer his support and well wishes was enough. He listens to the person closest to him and that's how Joe got sideways of me. Instead of calling to question what he heard, he decided to ignore me. That was over 2 1/2 years ago. I just waited. I did mention I will stay out of your way?
Joe feels bad for me and is worried. He talks about how he could get here to be with me should things in my life take a dire turn. I told him we weren't there yet and to keep a low profile and get his family business righted. He has much to do. Joe is a survivor. Fly below the radar...stay legal in all you do and stay close to home.
My mother's one wish was that her children "stay together". She would have been appalled to see the animosity that has been stirred by viscous rumors and jealousy. Sorry Mom, there is only so much one can do. I try to keep my head down and keep 18hrs between us. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.
Welcome home Joe. Best wishes for a new start. I truly wish you the best. I hope whatever ripples are coming toward you across that pond can be handled without strife and animosity. Mom would have wanted her children to get along.