Tuesday, March 16, 2010

She Was Desperate

After a roller coaster ride of life, the lady was desperate. Companionship and a man to sit with over a cup of coffee in the morning, snuggle up to on the sofa and watch TV in the evenings was becoming but a dream of hers. The ex husband after 10 yrs of marriage was discovered, after she arrived back home early, wearing her earrings and underwear beneath the lovely skirt with matching blouse and jacket. She was devastated. He wasn't just a cross dresser but a gender identity
confused man who wished to be a woman.

The marriage over, he moved out to grow his hair long and wear makeup in the privacy of his newly rented apartment. Sometimes he would venture out in makeup and woman's clothes; I wasn't there but I've seen a few facial bruises after these evenings out so I don't know if he was inappropriate with someone or someone vented their prejudices on him. This isn't about him. That's a story for another day. This is about her. The her he left alone after 10 yrs.
She was a shopper and could be considered thrifty by none. She loved clothes, shoes, purses and jewelry and when she wasn't in the stores she was online on eBay where she would buy those earrings, necklaces and bracelets to adorn her self. The closets were more then full and that is all the closets in the 3 bedroom house where she lived. Retirement age was nearing and after 30 yrs on the job, she retired to this little house and all her clothes and jewelry. Money was nothing to be saved. It was to be spent and that she did. Suddenly she is retired, the house payment comes due every month, the car payment and insurance the same and medicines have to be bought. After the bankruptcy two years ago, she has acquired a few more credit cards and these she can't make the payments on again. I did mention that she likes to shop?
Things are tight. Things are so tight she can hear and feel the squeak and it isn't a pleasant place to be. Creditors are ringing her phone. If only she had a partner. Maybe longing for someone to spend time with has been replaced by longing for someone to help out. An extra paycheck coming into this house would be welcomed and needed.
Arrival of the man into this scene. He has a job and a junk truck. That didn't last long. The job that he had for only a short time provided them with the means for dinners out and of course, the shopping. Money wasn't to be saved. I've mentioned that too haven't I? Soon his job was a thing of the past. The two years he spent there went the way of the loss of jobs in this recession. He looked for a job for the first three months; the excuse for not finding a job was age discrimination. Later we discover he has a prison record and is on probation and has a DUI. Ah, that could account for some difficulty in this job market. He takes a job selling frozen steaks door to door and some days, there aren't any buyers. Works one day and takes the next day off as he is tired from working the day before. They limp along like this for the next year. She is paying all the bills which were hers before he arrived on the scene and he manages to contribute a little for groceries. His truck has made it's final trip to the junk yard so he uses her car for errands.
On March 1st she took a stand, set a deadline and demanded he find a real job.
This morning she tried to deliver him to a homeless shelter; one bed was open and there were 25 men standing in line for that bed. He missed it by one. She loaded him up and returned back home with him to try once again at 0500 hrs tomorrow.
Tearful and sad, she discusses job hunting with him again and he remains unreceptive to this. I haven't discovered if she is tearful and sad about losing him, the loss of his possible paycheck if he would work or both.
She telephones me to let me know she isn't harmed which is something I worry about. People have been murdered for less reasons then being kicked out of a nice warm home with car access to live in a homeless shelter with less then desirable neighborhood, no transportation and all the privacy a home provides.
Decisions lead us down a path sometimes that have hidden rocks, dangerous animals and hazards we can only imagine. This story hasn't seen it's end; I'm hoping it's a safe healthy ending for her.


  1. Well written. It is true and sometimes sad how even some of the small decisions that we make early in life have such long term impacts.

  2. Slamdunk: Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. It's nice to know there are people out there! lol

  3. Ann, this sounds like a sad made for TV movie on LIFETIME. I am grateful that I have been lucky in my life. I think your friend could use some good counseling to find out why she needs to spend to feel good, and why she would settle for a man that is less than she maybe deserves. I hope she stays safe.

  4. Joan, there was so much left unsaid in that post but let's just say that I don't think possessions can fill a hole in your soul as food, smoking or drinking won't do it either. I do agree that she needs to delve into those issues but all I can do is be on standby should something go terribly awry.

  5. Oh!
    Wow, well told Charlotte Anne.

    And its so sad. I don't look forward to when some of my friends chickens come home to roost. I have a number of friends with the shopping disorder who can't afford it, though I don't know about any gender confused husbands.

    There must be fifty ways to lose your lover.

    You're a good friend to watch over her.


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