Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Camels of The Non Animal Type

I was reading a new post by Mark Morford who writes for the SF Chronicle and a link to his posts can be found on this blog page. This link is an old link to an old post about smoking. I giggled all the way through the post. I loved smoking also. I often wished it could be healthy and cheap.
I'm now 8 weeks a non smoker. Some days at certain times I really really miss them. During those times I get very frightened. It wouldn't take much effort to pick up a smoke. When I'm around people that are smoking and they are in numbers larger then one, I feel left out. Everyone is having the best time. I watch silently as they tap that cigarette out of the pack. I watch them bring it to their mouths, find their light source and flick the wheel to produce the flame. They touch the flame to the end of that cigarette and take that first inhale and slowly slowly exhale. They don' t look unhappy. The ritual has been completed until they light the next one. I miss that ritual. Not often. I miss it a few times a day. I don't crave a cigarette while watching others smoke. I observe the ritual and miss that when watching them light up. The craving comes at odd times and watching others smoke is not the trigger for that craving.
I don't want you to think this is painful. The craving is not painful. It comes and goes swiftly. I find that I think less about cigarettes since quitting. When I smoked I would obsess about when I could have the next one. If I went somewhere, I was always scoping out the scene to find where the smokers could go to have a smoke. I would quickly leave a restaurant after eating to grab a smoke. I didn't linger in non smoking areas and since most of the public places are non smoking I felt alienated.

I do find that I'm happy that I'm no longer lighting up. I can go any place I desire without having to worry about THE DESIRE and accommodating that desire. I actually hang out in places that are smoke free. It's a freedom. Free from that monkey on my back and that's the way I felt about my addiction. I wish I could be like some that can light one and not want another. If I light one, I'll be back to 3packs a day in the next 3 days so I don't do it. I know. I've been down that road the last time I tried quitting.

I won't ostracize you for smoking. It's your decision to smoke and it will be all your decision to quit. I'll make you as comfortable as possible with ashtrays, drinks and a nice outdoor area here to smoke. I won't make you feel as though you have to hide your habit or explain your habit. I've been there too and I was quick to anger when someone commented on my habit. I won't do that to you. I don't have a license to be rude to you because you smoke. I felt that a large number of the non smoking masses thought it was perfectly acceptable to say what they wanted to the non smokers. I won' t be that person. Can I get you a light?

1 comment:

  1. Too many turn into smoke nazis when they quit. I didn't, but then I never actually quit. One day I decided to see how long I could go without a cigarette. Turned out it was a dab over 7 years. During that 7 years not one single day passed that I didn't want a smoke. That doesn't mean I craved them, only that I wanted one.

    I continued to sit in the smoking section. I didn't ban smoking in my home or office. I just didn't smoke.

    And now I smoke.


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