Sunday, February 10, 2013

Tick, Tick Tick

I could hear the tick, tick, tick. It's the sound one hears when something  firm is being tapped on something else firm. It's the sound your nails make when you tap them lightly on a table top; the sound a pair of heels make as the women hurries across a hardwood floor or the sound of an insect tapping or hopping across a hard surface. 
My eyes popped open at 0500 this morning. I know this because every morning upon awakening, I raise my head, squint my eyes and peer at the clock on the cable box sitting across the room. The blue blurred digits eventually stop their swaying and wiggling as I continue to focus. If it is before 0500, I will attempt to stay in bed. This morning I made the cut, though barely,  so I crawled out of bed, grabbed my iPad from the night stand on my side of the bed and headed for the sofa. A detour was made to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. I never wait for the full brew; I cheat and steal a cup from the pot by sliding an empty cup on the heating pad while snatching the pot off  and getting a cup poured quickly; reversing the process by pulling the cup off the heating pad and slipping the pot back in. I am so adept at this that hardly a drop is spilled.
Grasping my fresh coffee with it's dab of International Vanilla cream in it, I settle on the sofa with the laptop. That's when I heard the "tick, tick, tick". Have I mentioned my healthy fear of bugs? In my case, it would be an "UNhealthy fear". I keep cans of Raid in every room for quick access. I suddenly go on full alert. There is a bug in here with me and it sounds huge. That "tick" sound is made by it moving across the hardwood floor.
Tick, tick, tick. I slip the laptop off my lap, bend forward and place it on the floor. Whatever made the tick,tick sound has now flown to the inside of the lampshade sitting on the lamp table to my left. I can't move fast enough at this point. I can hear it's wings beating the inside of the shade. My mind goes to the huge flying pine roaches that are common to this area. Those damn things sorta lunge through the air, land and then lunge again. I'm  horrified when I see one.
I headed in the opposite direction of the lamp, rounded the end of the sofa and moved toward the can of Raid while smothering little screams of fear. I don't want to wake the husband. He thinks my fear in unwarranted and I over react. Easy for him to say. He doesn't have a bug phobia.
The husband tells me a quick spray will do the job but I'm unable to let go of that nozzle until the object of my fear is floating in a puddle of liquid Raid.
By now the thing was on the arm of the sofa. I couldn't see it but I had noted where it went never taking my eyes off it while I collected the Raid. The sofa arm dripped Raid and the 'thing" staggered off the sofa and onto the floor where I sprayed until I could see him floating in the puddle of Raid batting his wing and moving on his side in a circle.
I'll place a kitchen chair over him and the puddle of Raid and when the husband gets up, he will remove him.
That grasshopper now knows who he is dealing with in this house. The Raid Queen!

At this point you may be saying "A grasshopper? Really? You are afraid of a grasshopper?"

To this I say "YES!" I can tolerate them in the yard where I can stay out of their way. In my house, the chance of it jumping on me increases dramatically and that is intolerable.

As soon as the husband wanders into the living room and I tell him about it, he says "Oh yeah, he was in here last night and I tried to catch but couldn't."  To this I said "And you didn't warn me?"

Living in a temperate climate most of the year encourages the growth year round of the creepy crawly things here.

My answer? I spray a lot. The perimeter, both inside and out gets sprayed during the year. I tolerate the Geckos that are hanging around on the outside of this house until one makes it way inside. I don't spray the Geckos but I will run out and flag someone down to get it out of my house. I figure I don't attach myself to the outside walls of this house where they like to hang out and I don't want them hanging out inside my  house. Everybody has their own place to be and everyone should respect those perimeters.

I'm outta here.

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