Saturday, July 11, 2009

A Subtle Warning Prince Charming

She wasn't the prettiest girl nor the petite cheerleader type. She was a large boned girl with red curly hair; corkscrew curls that tended to bush out and with skin so white it glowed, she stood over 6ft tall. She has struggled with a weight problem for most of her life and has never been a tall willowy sort.

Well read some say because she had plenty of time to read. No men in her past to distract. She wasn't the type of girl to attract men; dating was non existent. Movies and books had been her life.

The years went by and she busied herself with her education and when she worked, her jobs were menial low paying jobs. Eventually she got her bachelors degree; she is now mid thirties and decided since Prince Charming was still missing from her life to continue on with her education and acquire her master's degree. Going back to school in her late thirties with her new laptop and online access for the first time in her life, she was complacent although she still had hopes of meeting that special man. She had plans. With a masters' degree she could move to a foreign land and teach. She could start repaying the massive student loan debt she had incurred. In two years her life would restart with a career in teaching in as yet an undetermined country. She would start looking for that job position as graduation drew closer. That never happened. Instead she stayed in the small town where she received her education. Things changed. She decided to wait on someone and for over a year she waited. She worked in coffee shops, as a motel housekeeper and a ticket taker at a theatre. More menial jobs to support herself. She still waits and the reason for this waiting is as follows.

Eventually while online she struck up an acquaintance with a fellow. Unfortunately he was from another country; distance should have been an issue but since our heroine had no other options in her life, she pursued this man. On his part a friendship developed; oh her part she was smitten. While professing friendship, she flew to his homeland under the guise of visiting some relatives but stopped by to see him; a visit based upon their mutual friendship he was told. He presented well. He worked at a university although he wasn't an educator but a research assistant. She told friends and family he lived in a little house in a small village on property owned by his parents. In reality he lived with his parents. He had upstairs living quarters with shared kitchen/dining with his parents. An only child, he stays close to his parents.

She rented a room close to his home while she visited. All at her expense. She flew home after her two day visit with him.
She quit smoking (he doesn't like smokers). She quit being a vegetarian; he wasn't. She took up hiking or tried. She started Yoga exercises. All these things he did and she was going to make herself over into someone with the same likes. They would have these things in common. From an atheist she morphed into a Catholic; nothing to stand in the way of a marriage to this Catholic. She didn't want any obstacles or anything that could be used as a excuse to hinder a marriage proposal.

Back home and an online romance eventually flourished. Web cams were utilized; was this romance or just a ploy for an online sexual partner? By accident she discovered this mild meek appearing male had another side to him. He was enamored of his own reflection; he loved pictures of himself. These pictures he took himself and often. His favorite pictures of himself were in different poses of undress and usually a close up of his maleness; some quite suggestive of a gay proclivity. His following on his web address was mostly gay. He professed to be bi curious. She accepted this. She had no other choices in men and was willing to take what she could get.

She had met her soul mate. They were going to be always truthful with each other. Scorn and judgements were heaped on other couples relationships. Hers was going to be always open and non critical with each other. Trust would be a treasured commodity with them. They would be special.

Undeterred and unapproached by any males prior to this man she was unwilling give him up. Unwilling to to pursue any other avenue for a relationship with another male, our woman proceeded to pursue her man.

She traveled to Europe to be with him on a Christmas break. He made no offer to pay for her expenses. She paid for her ticket although she was barely existing on her meager pay from both jobs she held. He provided a room for her in the house where he lived with his parents. This was her first introduction to sex. Could she be comfortable knowing only a floor separated her and him from his parents? She had no choice but to accept this arrangement. She was low on funds; the plane ticket was charged and he did not see a need to spend money on a private place for them.

They made day excursions to the little villages but never visiting any of his friends. She didn't meet any family members nor any of his friends even after they became engaged. Odd. He didn't want to show her off?
3 weeks flew by during which time his mother grew tired of the house guest arrangement and offered a cold shoulder to her son's lover. His mother only warmed up when it was time for her to depart. Eventually the Christmas vacation was at an end and she flew back to the states with an engagement ring and his promises to meet her for Valentine's day. She was lonely but with the promise of a February meeting with him, she settled into her job and life to await his visit. The pregnancy test showed negative. Another reason to be unhappy. She would have to wait till his next visit. In February she would try again to conceive.

Meanwhile, her parents vacationed abroad in his country and upon their daughters insistence they set up a meeting to visit with their daughter's love interest. Three times he cancelled the meetings that were planned. Mom and Dad eventually flew home never getting to meet this man.

February and Valentines day came and went.

He didn't show. He had a very good excuse. He was trying to find another job so she could join him in their own apartment that he would rent for them and live in after their wedding. Of course the job interview was conveniently scheduled on the time he was supposed to be visiting her in the States. She was distraught but another meeting was planned. He would visit at Easter. She again settled down to await his arrival. The day before his plane was to arrive, he called with another excuse. Now you may think this is two times he has disappointed her but the May of the previous year for her graduation was the first trip he was supposed to make to the states to celebrate her acquisition of her master's degree.
She made plans to collect him at the airport, attend her graduation to meet her family and friends and then a driving trip for a few weeks alone together. Everyone was waiting to meet her Prince Charming. He didn't make that visit either so we are at 3 no shows for Prince Charming. She wonders what her friends and family think. With each planned visit she has announced to family and friends and each time he has cancelled. She becomes overly sensitive to any remarks made relating to him. Assessment of the situation is not welcome. Family is accused of being negative; of interfering in her life. Her anger is misplaced but better to be angry with family then to place the blame on her Prince. That relationship must be perserved at all costs. He is her first and last hope for marriage. She accepts all his excuses. Does she still trust? Trust that he will do as he promises? Only she can answer that question and no one will suggest to her otherwise for fear of her wrath. It becomes difficult to have a conversation with her. So many subjects are tabu. Forbidden is asking anything about her relationship or her future. Meddling, nosey, stalking and controlling her life are some of the adjectives she uses to describe anyone questioning her future. We remain quietly observing.

Her life has been put on hold since her graduation. She was not going to commit to a job in her field but chose instead to wait on her Prince Charming to start a life with her.

At this time the wedding planned for July was also postponed.
Our woman's biological clock is on fast forward. 40 is just a year or two ahead. A baby is desired. Does he desire the same things? When all the meetings were ignored, she finally realizes he will never come to the States to meet her family and friends or to get married.

She does the only thing left for her to do.
She buys a ticket. Again she pays her expenses. Wouldn't this be a clue that he isn't all that into her? She plans on leaving the States to meet him; to convince him to marry? Will he be there when she arrives? Will he call before she boards that plane with an excuse once again on why this won't be happening? Will she return empty handed or at least pregnant? No home, no clear future, no savings but a wish to have a child regardless of how difficult the future would be. She wants what she wants and she will not relent.

Beware Mr. Charming. Her life has been on hold waiting on you to become a part of it. It might be a mistake to let her down. Many hours and much work by her has been invested into this relationship. She is now a carnivorous, yoga, hiking, non smoking Catholic. Obsession is a mighty force. Murders have been committed by people determined to not take "no" for an answer. Just ask Steve McNair the football player that paid for his lies with his life.

Who is more to blame? Her for not taking all the obvious hints he has tossed her way or him for not being HONEST!

To be continued?

1 comment:

  1. This is something that happens entirely too often. (Not that once isn't too often.) The young lady has a rough row to hoe.


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