Saturday, November 7, 2009

Oh Jennifer, By the Way

So, You Married That Gay Guy?
My friend of just a few years was visiting. I said this with a straight face and that was the only "straight" thing in this conversation. I wanted to ask so many more questions but I didn't have any guidelines to follow. What can I ask and still be politically correct? Where would Ms. Manners say? Could I ask if he still has a boyfriend? or if he was content with male porn and didn't need to interact sexually with the male gender. If he is bisexual then he's not really gay, right? No, I don't think I can ask that question either. What if he is just gay? Does this mean he will have sexual laisons with a special male or any male he desires? Will he just be a husband in name only? Then that would lead to other questions such as "are children in your plans?"
I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Should I just ignore this one issue in her relationship? Can it be ignored, not discussed and can we all pretend this is her Prince she has waited all her life for? I understand male/male and female/male relationships. I don't understand gay male/straight female relationships. I don't have any past experience with any of my friends in this sort of relationship so of course questions are bouncing around in my head to try to understand. Maybe they are just married in rings only. No J.P to officiate. Vows said to each other in private to solidify their relationship but still leave it open to other possibilities. Will he continue to live with his parents and will this be a day to day relationship. The kind where you both share a bed, share coffee in the mornings and share late night TV in the same bed? Will he share another bed at times for the same pleasures? I'm so lost here. I just have no previous experience with handling a friendship where questions to ease my anxiety or conversational interchanges are limited or are not welcome. I want to continue our close relationship; will it be possible if we both continue to ignore the elephant in the room?


  1. Either you'll have to make like Harold, and just do a lot smiling and nodding, or you'll have to ask her if you can clear your mind of a few questions without offending her and risking a valued friendship.

    One of the things I value most about my closest friendships in the 'no holds barred' aspects.

    Good luck : D Its a tricky spot you're in.

  2. I prefer the "no holds barred" friends also. I hate tiptoeing!


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