The shooting in Conn. of those elementary school students has left me depressed. I've had that sinking gut feeling I experienced after the Towers were hit in NYC. I suppose it's a feeling of hopelessness and our vulnerability to someone able to create so much damage. How can it be stopped? That feeling of not being safe struck me last night as I made a quick stop to Walmart to pick up a few things. As I stood in line behind the shoppers in the "fast checkout lane" which is a misnomer, I could see the glass front entrance into the store. My imagination was on free roll. As clearly as a movie screen in my mind, I could see a deranged 20 yr. old dressed in fatigues, shouldering a long gun with an assault rife clutched in his hands. As he rushes into the store, he raises the rifle to waist height and the stuttering of the bullets as he sweeps from right to left leaves the shoppers sinking to their knees clutching their bellies, heads, arms and legs, a look of dawning recognition on their faces of what is happening to them.
This is how I see those little children in that classroom in Newtown, Conn. I see it too clearly and yesterday was a depressing day for me. The day this happened, I had went to Carrie's school to sit with her on her lunch hour. A stage sits at one end of the cafeteria. It was a bag lunch day that was held in her class room instead of the cafeteria which was being used by other students for a stage program. The little guys sitting close to me had much to say. They are comfortable with me from my many visits. Dragging bobble heads from their pockets, they held them out for me to view. They munched their sandwiches and chattered. I love watching them. Small faces unlined from worry, their world at this age is filled with innocence as it should be.
My next vision is of the parents of those children, returning home to the Christmas tree with the gifts under the tree for their child that won't be there to rip paper and squeal over their much awaited gift. I don't usually phone Carrie when she is visiting her dad on his weekends that he has her. I had to hear her voice yesterday, even for a few minutes. I phoned and asked to speak to her. Our conversation was brief but it was enough for now.
I feel such sorrow and a great feeling of helplessness. People are protesting gun control as if they are threatened with losing their fire power. As I understand it, the word being used is "control" which doesn't seem to threaten the confiscation of ALL weapons. The assault weapons being removed from being owned is the 'control' the NRA is protesting? Why? Who needs an assault weapon? A policeman, a military man/woman?
The single mother of this 20 yr. old shooter had a small collection of guns; rifle, pistol and an assault rife. Apparently this was available to a 20 yr. old with some issues evidenced by him shooting her in the FACE before he went into that elementary school. Maybe her guns should have been more "in control" and inaccessible to a young man with some problems.
I spent many nights alone here in my house. My husband is gone to different states related to his employment. I contemplate at times, purchasing a gun and one with enough power to stop someone intent on assault. I'm not against gun ownership however some 'gun control' in this country might not be a bad idea.
I'm counting the days until Christmas has come and gone.