December 25, 2011

At six years of age, my memories are few and vague. I know I believed in Santa Claus and I think I might have even believed for quite a few years more. Television at my house was limited and programs were few anyway so most of our interaction was with each other and our parents. We went to school but the other children were about as clueless as we were to what went on around them. Our world was small. That is the only way I can explain or justify what I'm about to say.

Carrie knows there isn't a Santa Claus. Sad as this makes me, I know she truly does not believe there is a Santa Claus. She cocks her head to the side, her eyes bore into mine as she questions his existence. Of course I lie and tell her there is a Santa but I know she doesn't believe me. Carrie is every analytical and very observant. I don't believe Carrie is alone in this either.

The children today are so much more aware; they are old at 6 years of age. I blame this on all the information so available to them. Carrie has surfed the web since she was barely 3yrs old. She watches the educational shows on television and she has access to all sorts of informational material.

Her toys are more sleek, more intricate then what was available to me, my siblings and my peers.

She saw Santa at her school and then again when I took her to the mall. She questions why they look different. Oh, sure they wear the same clothes but the facial features is what she focuses on. She doubts.

I think she goes along with it because she wants to appease us and I can barely face her when I lie to her.

Carrie doesn't appreciate infantile talk. She gets a disgusted look on her face when people talk "down" to her. We never threaten Carrie with dire consequences when we want her to do something. All she requires is we explain why we are doing and wanting what we want from her. I constantly remind myself to explain and reason which is what any adult appreciates.

I wonder what she thinks when she looks at me when I try to reassure her there is a Santa. Should I give it up and tell her the truth? Does she wonder why her Nanny would lie to her about something/anything?  I wonder if it's the time to explain to her the "spirit" of Santa Claus? I'll let it ride for a while or at least for this Christmas.

It's very quiet right now here at my house. I'm sitting across from the Christmas tree, the gifts beneath glitter from the wrapping paper and bows. Even with the tree lights off, the bulbs pick up rebound light from the lamps around the room. I can hear the dishwasher softly swishing water in it's cube and for now those are the only sounds I hear.

Soon the door will swing open bringing noise and laughter as the daughter's family sweep into this house to exchange gifts and have Christmas dinner. There will be much noise and confusion, chaos and mess. My tidy house will have paper and bows discarded, boxes left at where they were emptied and as each child disappears to find a place to further examine their gifts, a short quiet time will follow.

The daughter and I will collect the papers and boxes and reestablish a path through the house.

It's a bit too early to start preparing our meal for this afternoon. It's a cold morning, the pavement wet from a small rain. Not a sound of a car on the pavement.   I'll sit here and sip my coffee and relish the quietness for a while longer.

Merry Christmas to one and all. Happy Holidays to those that prefer that greeting. I'm going to get a second cup of coffee and enjoy doing nothing for this moment.