2010

It's early evening and the darkness has settled in. I'm sitting here watching Rear Window, a 4 star rated movie that has Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly, both of whom are young and handsome.

This is the last day of 2009 and the firecrackers are popping already. There is a law here that prohibits fireworks in the city limits but that doesn't seem to deter the revelers every year. This is one night I make it a point to not go out anywhere. This is a party town as a general rule and on an occasion to party such as New Year's Eve, it can get very raucous and the drunk drivers will be ruling the roads tonight.

The last time we visited a bar was years ago and the bouncers hired for this one night were anxious to use their authority; they were rude and aggressive and I watched as they assaulted revelers just because they could. Since that time I've never entertained the thought of going into the public swells to bring in the new year. If I stay awake till midnight it will be while watching the ball drop in Times Square via television broadcast.

This is hoping for a happy and healthy New Year for family and friends. Health is the greatest wealth of all and the greatest precursor to happiness. Cheers!

Grins, Giggles and Gore

I arrived on time and thankfully I was taken directly to the room where the procedure would be performed. Seated and reclined, the hygienist arrived with an array of sharp looking tools of her trade. My body is rigid and my hands are clamped so tight on the arms of the chair that my forearms are vibrating from the strain. Visiting the dentist rates highly on my list of "things that suck".

The hygienist is a short, blond 20 something with beautiful soft green eyes. I note all this for various reasons. I had to stoop down so she could get the radiation vest on me before she did the 360 degree scan of my mouth. When I dare to open my eyes as she is digging beneath my gums with the water pic tool, I look directly into those green eyes above the face mask she wears. I had requested she talk as she works. I need her to affirm that "you're doing fine", "we're halfway done", "we're almost done" and this she does as she scrapes and cleans. Occasionally I can feel an almost pain sensation but not enough to call a halt and have another injection of the numbing agent. Did I forget to mention the numbing of the gums? My imagination conjures up visions of a very long needle attached to a syringe burrowing deep into my gums and piercing through the skin of my neck. Ridiculous I know but I can't stop the mental images that roll through my brain. She pushes the plunger on that syringe slowly while the medicine gathers up beneath the gums in an area that has no vacancy for it. She injects slowly to give it time to dissipate and be absorbed beneath the gum. I'm grateful for her attention to this detail.

An hour later she finishes and I'm exhausted. Fear is very wearing as is pain. I have to admit I really didn't feel any pain but that didn't keep me from the stress of waiting for it.

500.00 for xrays and cleaning. 2790.00 for one tooth to be removed and an implant to be placed with crown.

I go for this implant next Tuesday. I could have bought a car! I could have had a bathroom redone. I could have....

Quiet

Here I sit in my darkened living room. It's chilly here and I have a soft plaid lap blanket across my legs. I'm comfortable. The TV isn't on and the sound I hear is the clicking as my fingertips dance over the keyboard on my laptop as I write this. Occasionally a car passes by on the street out front and I can hear the muffled sound of wind meeting the car or truck; a swooshing sound without the sound of an engine to interrupt and the sound of tires on solid surface. If I listen closely, the far off sound of a jet engine propelling a plane toward the airport reports it's passage. The moments of silence between these outside sounds is valued. Sometimes I quit typing to just listen. I'm listening to the sounds of silence and it's beautiful. As I listen I realize that the silence isn't silent. I can hear the refridgerator humming and as soon as the temperatures dip below the preset on the thermostat, the furnace will click and begin to deliver the warm air into this winter morning. Silence? I think not. It was just an illusion. Though the TV isn't beaming forth entertainment and information or sound, there are still other sounds that intrude if you listen closely enough. Maybe not having any sounds would be too disturbing. The comfort sounds that are buried beneath Televisions and radios and toys and people are there. I'm listening to them now.

It's still dusky looking out my window to the right of me. I can peek around the lamp sitting on the end table and see the wet pavement and the barely lit sky. It looks cold and quiet. No early morning joggers or walkers can be seen. The weather might be making them rethink their exercise program or maybe they have already come and gone. Gone back to their houses to dress and report to the jobs that supply them with their cars, homes and food.

Do I really want to blast into this semi silence with some early morning news from the TV? Carrie will awake soon and the sounds she brings into my day will bury the quietness until she either sleeps again or goes home and takes all her unquiet like ways with her.

I'm off to get another cup of coffee and sit quietly for a while.

A Much Improved Me?

OMG! What WAS I thinking when I made a dental appointment for 7AM? I have to take a pre med before any procedure that is invasive so I had to take my PCN at 6AM this morning and be in the dentist's office at 7AM for the deep scaling. I think I was awake all night for fear of oversleeping and at 5AM I crept into the living room and onto the sofa leaving Carrie asleep in the bed. A few minutes passed before she came stumbling in and onto the sofa. We both wedged ourselves into a reclining position and pulled the cover over us although I knew sleep was only a memory now.

She wanted some chocolate milk and I brewed a pot of caffeine and started dressing for the day. While she watched cartoons I ran a straight iron through my hair and smudged some makeup on and returned to the sofa to keep her company until it was time for me to leave. It was 31 degrees here this morning so I started the car up a couple of minutes before I had to sit on those cold leather seats. By the time I was ready to go after putting Carrie to bed with her Poppy, the car was nice and warm and the traffic was nil. Except for the ungodly hour of this appointment, the fact of not having to deal with a lot of traffic was great.

An hour later after anticipating much pain which never materialized, I was released from the clutches of the hygienist. A panoramic picture was also taken this visit and the dentist will call me for a consult after he has a chance to review and draw up a plan of action on what is to come next.

I got home and passed out for a couple of hours. I think the stress worn me down and out. The whole house took a nice long nap and it wasn't even noon yet. Everyone is stiring now although I still feel as though I could nap for another couple of hours. Carrie's sleep pattern determines how everyone else spends the afternoon and since she is up it might be time for lunch for her and some interaction.

Tomorrow I visit the dentist for a 30 minute consultation. I'm hoping this leads to a solution and I can proceed with dental work and finish in the year 2010.

I'm not in the mood to blog. I want to sleep. I want to hide away and sleep until this cold finishes with me. I'm done.