Grateful....yes I AM

An interesting day once again. The Prednisone is waning and I've noticed a definite decline in my ability to suck oxygen. It's not as bad as "pre Prenisoene" but it's not quite to normal either.

I refused the oxygen therapy the doctor wanted to have me on and I promptly got a call from him when he found out that I was not interested in the sleep apnea study either.  Apparently my 02 level dropped to 82 percent 314 times during the night I was monitored. This is not considered even a mild case of sleep apnea and he was concerned.

I'm doing an "at home sleep apnea" study tonight which then will lead me to a CPap machine that will become my new sleep companion. I'm not thrilled. This won't cure the inflammation I'm dealing with in my lungs but it will help save my brain, heart, kidney and other internal organs that have a decline in function related to oxygen starvation.

Ah the golden years are here aren't they? When do I start to shop for incontinent briefs? I can still sneeze and have dry panties so I'm counting myself fortunate for a few things. I still have my teeth (barely and costly to be able to say this) and my metal knee gets me where I want to go.

I'm going to spend today just being grateful. As time goes by I understand more and more the phrase "Youth is wasted on the young".  That's life!

Waiting on an Outcome

It has been a rough 4 months. My breathing deteriorated to a point where I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I've been trying to trace the path that got me to this point and I have a theory on this.

A year ago, my ears failed to equalize pressure and for that year it felt as though I had just deplaned from a long flight and my ears never "popped" leaving me with a feeling of "speaking in a barrel" which is very aggravating as you can't discern how loudly OR softly you are speaking. I hated to have to have a conversation. The drum sound in my head was so unpleasant.

One day my ears cleared up and I was ever so grateful that things were 'back to normal'. Apparently my gratitude was premature. Soon I was clearing my throat of a thick phlegm and sometimes was able to cough and expel it. Following closely to this new development, my breathing started to hit a downward slope. At first I ignored it thinking I was just tired. Soon I wasn't able to do even mild exertion without gasping for air. I began staying home more and more and spending long hours sleeping on the sofa and looking forward to bedtime.

The husband kept telling me I just was "out of shape"; getting no exercise...blah ..blah ..blah. I tried to believe this was all there was to my declining health.

Months pass and just a week ago I gave up and made a doctor's appointment. By this time my breathing had done nothing but get worse. It was time to seek help.

Predinsone in high doses was prescribed but only for one week. Steroids are wonderfully effective but have horrid side effects. I've had to weigh the benefits against the negatives and hopefully after this one week of Predinsone, the inflammation in my bronchus and lungs will abate and I'll be back to normal. Apparently I have an inherited autoimmune disease that leaves my lungs unable to cope with bacterial infections effectively. Some calcified lymph nodes were found but the doctor assures me this isn't the cause of my breathing difficulties right now. I have inflammation that is closing off my airway much like a case of bronchitis. Along with the breathing lab results denoted anemia. Another medicine added to my morning and afternoon dosing; iron.

I'm not accustomed to having many health problems. Most of my health related events are orthopedic; related to my skiing and motocycle accidents. Actual health problems are new to me. Giving up smoking three years ago caused a decrease in the occasional cold related lung involvements.

On the bright side, after years of smoking the doctor said I was very lucky to have no signs of any lung damage related to inhaling all those carcinogens all those years.

Another update: I can breathe. I'm hoping this continues after the Prednisone dosing is finished in a few days. I've spent the last two days in my car and in town going from store to store; something that I haven't been able to do for months and months. I've done a little shopping and a little walking around and each step taken has been gratifying. I'm very appreciative of a lung full of oxygen right now; something I've taken for granted for much to long!

I've been staying "on the move" full of fear that it won't last after stopping the medication. I will update my posting on this subject in a couple of weeks but my theory is when the ears became "unplugged" from the sinus problems, the drainage continued on into my lungs causing this mess since I've had no colds or any sickness causing this problem.

My autoimmune disease also causes gingivitis and now I finally have a reason for having that problem. I've had to fight it all my life and the cost of saving my teeth has been expensive. Even with all the flossing and brushing, dental visits are mandatory to keep it under control and to keep my teeth! The dental visits also left me feeling like I was neglecting normal daily care of my teeth; now I know. I will surely inform my dentist of this new development and shed the guilt I'm always left with after a dental visit!

Enough already? I'm getting dressed this morning and I'm on the move. It feels great to be able to move and I don't want to waste a moment being idle. I've idled long enough on the sofa and in the bed!

 



A Waiting Game

Tired. Six hours after closing my eyes, I awaken, swing my legs over the side of the bed, plant my feet firmly and stand. I make my way to the kitchen where the coffee pot waits for my attention. Coffee in hand, I ambulate to the living room and sink into a corner of the sofa, drawing my feet up on the cushion and cover myself with the soft brown plaid lap blanket.

My usual hyper self has vanished. Instead of that usual burst of activity I enjoyed at one time, I find myself wanting to recline and drift back into sleep. Any activity, slight as it may be leaves me gasping for oxygen. I ignored this for months now until I finally gave up and made a doctors appointment. Friday I went for a complete blood workup and a chest xray. I'm now waiting on the results. I'm nervous and a bit frightened.

I'm a Registered Nurse and sometimes knowing too much is a bad thing. I can't enjoy blissful ignorance so I'll wait for confirmation on my suspicions.

I can only hope that I'm overly pessimistic.

It All sounds Great....but

Ah..the beach! A vacation in the sun with the added benefit of the surf. The best thing about a beach vacation is the thought. Much like spending an afternoon at the zoo which sounds like a good time and which I have come to realize I hate, the beach is another of those things that sounds so much better when talking about it.

Sand, heat and the ocean just sounds like a good time but in reality, sand in my swimsuit, the heat and the idea of wading into an ocean full of wiggling, crawling swimming critters frightens me into a screaming mass of nerves. A seaweed brushes against my leg and I'm high stepping it toward the beach screeching at the top of my lungs. To make matters worse is to be at a beach where the water is murky and muddy looking. Being unable to see what is in the water isn't something I want to spend time in.

Poor Carrie..she was so excited to go to the beach. We had to drive right down to the waters edge as soon as we got into Biloxi. She waded into the water; I gingerly followed. I allowed her a few minutes in the water and then coaxed her with promises of pool time as soon as we checked into the hotel. There I found other adults with their children that felt the same way about the beach. We never went back.

We spend the next three days in and out of that beautiful pool. The water was clear and temperate. I let her play for hours in the water..anything as long as we didn't have to go back to the beach.

We shopped at a little beach mall and much to my surprise, Carrie purchased some hermit crabs complete with their own condo. Initially I talked her out of buying them but her Poppy took her back later and returned with two of the spider like critters.

I'm terrified of anything that looks like a spider and now I'm sharing my room with two of these creatures in a hot pink metal cage. Immediately I made up some firm rules. The critters were to be kept  in their cage with the top firmly in place.

Early the next morning as I was packing, Carrie and her Poppy took the critters onto the balcony from our room and decided to let them out to play. One disappears! I am frantic and frightened. The search was on. I peeked across to the balcony to the right and then to the one on the left. Not finding it, I caught the elevator to the ground floor and rushed outside to look on the ground beneath the balcony. The critter has disappeared and Carrie is heartbroken. Her Poppy promises to go back to the store and get another after he returns from gassing up his truck. I resume packing our belongings as we are leaving as soon as he returns.

The patio door from the balcony has been left open a few inches and suddenly I hear Carrie screaming "He's back ..he's back Nana!" Turning to see where she was pointing, the critter was crawling back into the room across the threshold. As I start backing away, I'm screaming at Carrie to get it and get it back into it's cage. This vacation may be the cause of my nervous breakdown.

Carrie called her Poppy on the phone to tell him the good news and soon we were all on our way to New Orleans with her critters safely ensconced in their bright pink "condo".

We are now home and Carrie has her critters in an aquarium now. Soft yellow sand covers the floor of that aquarium, a plastic pool holds water to keep the sponge wet and their food rests atop the grains of yellow sand. I encouraged Carrie to keep them at her house and she was happy to take them home with her.

Next year at this time a beach vacation will again sound like a good idea. Maybe we'll just go to a motel here in town and entertain ourselves in their pool. Think of the time saved on the road getting to a pool that is 4 hrs away. I don't really need a beach do I?