What "They" Don't Tell You Until the Next Time

1. The mamo was done,  The results come back and the phone rings. "Can you follow up on a diagnostic mammo? The date is set. The results come back and a biospy is done.

Your General Practioner calls you in and every thing is downhill from there. When he mentions the results and then you hear the words "oncologist" the ride starts here lady.

Tests were quickly scheduled for a CT and a PET scan. The appointments were within days of each other and a surgeon wall called into place a Mediport. Sitting in the surgeon's office for our first visit he looked over the PET scan and saw a "thickening" and wanted know if I had has the colonscopy done. Negative on that. He stepped out his office and called Dr. Noel.
That appointment was quickly scheduled. "Day after tomorrow..NPO tomorrow and off for the test the next morning and again back to LGMC.

The first visit with the oncologist I was in tears. Tears that couldn't be stopped. She looked at me and
said "We can fix this. We all cried and we  believed her. The surgeon that gave us the news about the colon cancer said "we can fix this". Again we were are relieved.

I don't believe them. It's not that they are really lying to you. They give you as much as you can handle at the time.

I hate the words "Cancer survivor". It's like being called an American Hero because  you died  in me Middle East. That doesn't make you a hero....it just makes you dead and is supposed to make your family feel better. "A cancer survivor means you haven't died from it YET but you will.

My family doesn't understand and i surly can't tell them how I feel about this. They are so  happy to believe that I can be fixed. I'm angry, I'm scared and I look at them and know what I know.

Let them at least laugh and play and watch  their children grow. My husband continue to enjoy his  job and whatever we can do together for as long as we can.

I wanted to write this but I can't publish it until a later date. I don't want them to see this. I want them to be happy and  enjoy what time we have together.

I pushed the surgeon today. Pushed for information on the surgery in the colon. Finally  he conceded

It didn't metz to the liver; the first place it would go..The PET showed it was clear however micros-pic  could be there.  Ah...you see, I didn't have to know this...it would be a while before it came back and my that time I might have lived a few more  years. I feel the same way about the breast cancer. She said she could fix me and I would not die from this..BUT she also knows it might be some other body part that get is and is the cause.

This will be kept in draft form on this blog site. It won't be published although it was supposed to be a blog  about how I felt through this whole thing. I can't publish this now.

4 Years Ago

Friday:

I have no idea why I decided to go from my dark brunette hair to having it heavily highlighted. I think it might have had something to do with the grey hair creeping in around my face. Figuring if I had it blond, it wouldn't be such a striking contrast when it came time to color my hair. 

 If I walked by a mirror and happened to notice my reflection, I would be uncomfortable. For the people that had never known me with dark hair, they thought I looked perfectly normal as a blond; for family and friends...most (especially family) hated it. A year passed and I finally got tired of thinking about it so I changed it back but not before I had my driver's license renewed. For the past 4 years I have carried a driver's license that sported a picture of that blond head. Since then I've put it back to its original color then finally got it cut short and  let it all grow out to a silver mix. Again I was undecided on this color. I finally decided that if I had to question it, it must be time to break out the Lady Clairol and get back to what I was born with.

Today I renewed my driver's license. The lightening has changed at ye ole Dept. of Transportation. I have a license picture that doesn't look as though I should be wearing prison stripes and be holding a card with digits on it.

Today has been a fruitful day.

Fat Tuesday  is just around the corner. Nanny Belinda (Carrie's aunt) throws a big party in Grand Mary (little village) where everyone goes to catch beads from the local parade then they gather at Belinda's to eat the huge pot of chili, drink some cold beers and eat some King Cake. The Cajun music will flow and soon the couples will be dancing into the night beneath the canopy. Eventually everyone ends up at the local pub where everyone knows each other and the party continues. It's some serious partying as the Tuesday gets closer and closer which means the partying here will have to be put on hold for a while. Lassiere Le Bon Temps Roule...(There could be a misspelled word in there somewhere) .. but translated "Let the Good Times Roll".

It's hard to believe that a blizzard is attacking the East Coast. My Aunt in R.I. is now in the middle of it and anticipating the loss of electricity. It has been named Nemo; when did storms start getting named anyway? 

I spoke with her for a while; she is nervous and frightened as her son is out working in it and has been for over 20 hrs. He is not expected home tonight either. Keeping the snow at bay, his crew is working at a mall to keep the sidewalks cleared..not that anyone will be shopping there tomorrow but if they let those sidewalks collect two feet of snow, it will be more difficult to remove then if they do it as it falls.

Saturday:

I'm going to start a room by room clean up around here. House guests are on their way next month which will inspire me to do some pitching and tidying up the guest rooms.

Yes We Have Winter

I've dug to the bottom of shoe hell in my closet to find some shoes with closed toes and heels. No spikey shoes fo this girl. I'm looking for something to keep these tootsies warm. I've clearned out the winter closet of all the clothes that didn't fit, didn't feel righ ton and stuff I had never worn and had no indention of wearing ever again.'I still have one more closet to hit and wean down the clothes and shoes.
The cold weather has kept me inside watching Netflix. Tomorrow I have to brave the cold and meet my hair stylist for an update on this hair.

It's cold once again.I'm waiting it out before I head outside to do some lawn work.

All In A Name

I've newly discovered a place I want to live. It's not based on population, traffic or location.

Rainbow City. It really doesn't matter the state it's in; it's thename.

Almost

Those warm days hit with some force. The temperatures rallied upward and for a whole two days, we here in the south, rejoiced. The trees shot out their flowers and the snap dragons looked right snappy.

Then the cold arrived once again and I scurried around to find those heavy sweaters and sweat pants I had hidden away when dragging out the pair of white shorts I wore for the spring fling of two days.

Have I mentioned the doctors lately? Well, the oncologist wants to see me in two weeks and the gastro doc said the same thing. I had the colonoscopy which was clear. Along with the colonoscopy, a hemmroid was banded. In two weeks, the second of three will be done and finally two weeks after that, the final one will be done. I had no idea this was the procedure. I assumed it was a one day deal.  Now I'm nervous about just how they go about getting to the other two. Access. That worries me a bit but I'll try not to think about it until two weeks from now.

Trips: on the subject of trips, I'm about to make one. April is the month of spring breaks and as soon as Carrie gets that break, the daughter, Carrie and I are heading for North Carolina. I'll leave them with the daughter's father and I'll continue on to Durham to visit with my sister.
A more recent trip is the one my husband will be taking to Colorado. I want to go. It's now been years since I've been back to the Rockies and I'm homesick. I've been homesick for the past 5 years. I'm going to try to hitch a ride and go with him. I can rent a car when we get there and do some exploring. The job is on the Wyoming/Colorado border, close to Cheyenne. I'm ready to go. Will take me but 5 minutes to pack. I can move quickly when bumming a ride to the mountains.

The last bit of news I have is, "Pat is in the hospital".
She was in an auto accident last night and her knee is pretty banged up. Surgery will be done this coming Friday. I visited her this morning and stayed with her until her family could get there. I'll go back again tomorrow morning.

I see Summer Rushing In

Rain and lots of it and continual. At 3AM, I lay awake on the sofa listening to the steady rythmn of the rain pelting the roof and tiled porch. We have had two weeks of rain. The grass has exploded, standing tall, the white clover gets beat down with the heavy downpours. Knockout roses engulf the mailbox while the flowers along the front of the house burst upward with their colorful blooms. It's a happy time for spring plants.


It has also been a busy spring here in southwest Louisiana. The husband has been in a 'non working status' since January 1. The oil field has taken more then a dip. It is in a full decline. Thousands and thousands of oilfield workers are being laid off. Rigs are stacked on the banks and boom towns are idle and withering away.

The husband couldn't get laid off as he works for himself but the calls offering him jobs has totally stopped which wasn't unexpected with the price of oil hovering around 50.00 a barrel.

All those phone calls that used to come in here and all those times the husband would say to me "I'm going to take these jobs. One never knows when it will be over."
I never minded. He was gone a lot. We saved a lot and now all those days he was gone and all the money we saved has let us accept this downturn without trepidation. We will ride this 'bust' out at home and enjoy the earned time off.

It's now time to do all those little things around the house we put off and to do a little traveling. To start the year off we headed for Arizona. Ten days spent in Casa Grande and then on to California and some sight seeing in San Diego.

Our break time back at home was spent remodeling. We tore out all the paneling and wood work in the office and hung sheetrock and new woodwork. Two weeks later, the office was finished and the cost was for materials only.
Sunday we will leave for North Carolina. We are going to visit my sister who is caring for her sick husband. He is terminal and she is alone there except for some very good friends that help her. I want to spend some time with her and offer to help her care for her husband.

On the return trip, I would like to cajole, beg, demand and plea to sidetrack and visit Washington, D.C. I have been wanting to go for the past two springs.

Anybody There?

Hello out there! Anybody home? It's my own fault. I admit it. I've become quite the slacker at blogging. I can't remember the last time I was here and I'm sure you haven't been around much either.

There is no way I can catch you up on the time lapsed since my last post so I will just try to hit the highlights.

 Healthwise, I'm happy to report there has been no bad news..yet. I still wait for a test to come back with an unwanted report. I think that's normal for those of us that have been struck with the Big C. I just try to NOT think about it very often. Of course when the three months pass by and it's time for another doctor visit or a mediport flush or a CT scan, I begin to behave a little strangely. I recognize it and I should warn everyone around me but I never do it. I think they should recognize it without my having to tell them. That's unfair to them (family) as not having this diagnosis themselves, they have no way of knowing what I'm feeling.

The other biggie is the oilfield has hit a major slump. The husband hasn't been out of town for a year now. The neighbors haven't either. We are calling it "retirement" thought it's really too early for the husband to retire. Financially, we are fortunate to have been able to save for this. When you work in the oil industry, you plan for a bust eventually. Unfortunately the young men in the industry have never witnessed a slow down and didn't prepare. There are a lot of foreclosures on homes and  rows of huge four wheel drive trucks sitting along the roadside with FOR SALE signs glued to their windows. It's going to be a rough ride for the next 4 or 5 yrs. for the young oilfield families.